Neutron Star Collision

Picture this situation with an open mind and attitude: the person you love and pine for suddenly becomes repulsive in your mind and cannot stand the sight of them. Pretty cliche scenario, I know, but how do you answer that question? Some say, if the two people are in a relationship, is to get OUT of the relationship. Why stay in a relationship if it is one-sided, or worse, there are no sides? I'm merely stating a hypothetical here. I, myself, am in no relationship, nor do I have repulsive feelings for someone I love whether it be a family member or friend. Listening to Kate Nash's "Foundations" brought this idea to mind. And I feel I should explore it.

The song is, on the outside, a break-up song. But after delving deep into the lyrics and watching the music video, my mind was overflowed with scenarios and ideas on how things like this come into play. Simply put, feelings change over the course of time. It happens, folks. Sad, but true. In any kind of relationship, whether it be a long-term committed one, an open one, or, hell, just a friendship, things tend to get repetitive, boring, and stale. It's our job to keep things fresh and on the move or else this will help , if not, the relationship is ultimately doomed. Thoughts of being annoying, distant, evasive, come into play. (I am also sounding like an anti-depressant commercial). But nevertheless, everyone has felt those feelings. In the end, we are all human. We make mistakes. We learn from them. And eventually, move the fuck on.

Which brings me back to the original question. What happens? It's hard to imagine someone you love not loving you back. Love is a brutal thing. In the beginning, love is supposed to give you butterflies, enjoyment, and inevitably happiness. But once love gets complicated, messy, and depressing, things are in need for a change. I'm not going to preach to you about relationships, because 1) I have no room to talk and 2) I don't know a damn thing about them. What I do know is that, we all get into arguments with our significant others, friends, family, co-workers, strangers on the street -- it's the human condition.

It's a scary thought to wake up one day and realize - wow, I don't really love this person. Why are they in my life? And worse, how to I get rid of them? Ugh, that hurt just typing that last part. "Getting rid of someone" is never an easy task, nor do you want to take part in it, but sadly, things like this happen. Things fall out of orbit, things that were placed apart collide into one another unexpectedly. And to think, maybe things that were placed apart SHOULD be put together. Maybe that will make the relationship work? In my opinion, in a working relationship, in order to keep things balanced, things are meant to be apart, not put together. Might be a dumb analogy, I know, but that's my personal opinion on the subject. Because sometimes, when things collide, they cause an explosion, and I'm not talking about the "feel-good-sparks-ignite-explosion", I'm talking about the kind of explosion that end in pain and confusion. And while they may be cool to look at from a distance, they sure do suck if you're involved. That's all I'm going to say.

Dancing Alone

A speck of light is overshadowed by darkness. Things like this happen too often. A precious moment captured in my mind fades away. I'd like to think that things get better, and every so often, they do. But what about the moment where you are stuck in the in-between? The fear of rejection, loneliness, isolation, and uncertainty seem to cloud over every, single thought. This may last briefly or for days or weeks on end. For the most part, I am a pretty optimistic guy. I try to remain on the bright side of things -- not everything is bad, right? But what happens when you almost lose someone? Your mind is put on pause. You can't think of anything else other than that one problem. This is what I call "dwelling".

People are faced with obstacles everyday. A homework assignment is late, my significant other hasn't got a hold of me all day, work seems to be consuming my life, a best friend becomes a stranger. And these are just a spot on the map of problems people go through each day. Even if the problem is somewhat juvenile, it's still an obstacle, right? The solution is to conquer it, and move on. Not to dwell. Sometimes the problem goes unsolved, which is an easy out clause, but lingers in your mind until it resolved.

I lost something close to me this year. That something being a pet. And before you all go "Jesus, Clay it's just a rabbit!", think about that for a second. For those who have lost a pet know how hard it is and must deal with the idea of "death". Ethel was, in a sense, like a friend of mine. If I needed to talk something out if I was angry, frustrated, or just needed to let something out, rather than talking to a wall, I sat and talked to Ethel. Sounds corny, I know, but dammit, it actually helped. Now, when I get home late, my room is empty. Eerily silent. Before, when I would get home from a late night escapade, Ethel was there. Probably waiting for food because she ate like no other, but nevertheless, it was nice. I didn't feel so...alone, in a sense.

I also lost my job this year. By my own wrongdoing. It has been, to date, one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made, and hopefully will ever make. The job, itself, wasn't necessarily spectacular, but I really enjoyed the job. The hardest part is thinking I let who I worked with down. I miss the people I used to work with so much. And it hurts to know that I, myself, fucked up something that could have ultimately been something great. It still renders.

What brings me to my point -- shit happens. You could win the lottery one day and lose a close friend the next. Life is a funny, but tricky thing. It's just a matter of knowing how to deal. What I do know is that I have amazing friends and a supportive family. Sure, there are times where we don't exactly get along, but if anything would ever happen, they would be there. Over time, the people who are true friends stick out while everyone else disappears. If a true friend isn't having a great day, as long as you know that they know you'll be there, even if they don't ask for help, then you're good to go. I'd like to think that my life is like music -- a rhythm that never stops, a beat that transcends into your soul, and lyrics that are your thoughts. There will be days that not everyone wants to get up and dance, but if you can put yourself out there and dance alone to your own music, then everything will be okay.